I am not a digital native, I am not even a digital immigrant – I am an undocumented digital foreigner. I get daily reminders of this whenever I go onto the internet.

A modern CV

Let me explain. A while ago, Alexis Grewan suggested we form a PEG group to assess one another’s CVs. I thought this was a great idea until I saw the beautiful modern résumés that the other members produced. My CV was very much stuck in the seventies when CVs were typed on portable typewriters and photocopied before being sent out by snail mail to prospective employers. I simply added on information every year. Clearly, I had to get over my performance anxiety and up my game.

Tempting templates

I started off by looking for a template on the internet. Instead of going to MS Word and using the template that is available free of charge, I made the mistake of googling ‘Curriculum Vitae template’. I got hundreds of options for every possible career path – including an offer from a clever AI bot to write one for me. What a good idea!

The one I chose took me through the steps by asking me to divulge all the secrets of my past and present. I naively told the bot everything. And saved the information when prompted. I even provided a photograph of myself and my email address. The result looked very professional and I was very pleased with myself.

Please pay up

Then the bot asked me to download my résumé – which I did. It then came up with three payment options – in US$! I can’t remember what amount they wanted me to pay upfront – but I do remember reading the small print below the amounts quoted, which said that after 14 days, if I handed over my credit card details, $599 would be deducted from my account every month – forever! Horrified, I quickly got off the website and experienced severe digital remorse! How could I have been so stupid?

We will never let you go

Harry the Bot then started sending me a barrage of emails telling me that I hadn’t completed the process and I must do so quickly or I would miss out. A month later, he is still writing to me every day telling me how important it is to have a good résumé. Fortunately, the missives arrive in my spam box and I delete them – but he knows where I live! He keeps on popping up every time I go onto the internet. Every day I get an advert for creating my own résumé staring at me in the middle of the webpage. It is unrelenting. I also get adverts targeted at old-timers! Which really rubs it in.

So dear Peggers, don’t do what I did. If you contact me, I will tell you how to create your own CV – for free!

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